The Reiki II Masterclass is a big deal in the preparation to become a Reiki Instructor. It is the last, definitive, in-person test before receiving the final initiations of the third level of Reiki. After this, there only remains to write up the Master Project which is like the thesis you submit for your Ph.D. in Reiki. If I fluffed this attempt up, the consequences were going to be quite serious. I was due to head back to Europe where I am based in a few weeks’ time; Brian teaches Reiki II only once every two months, and between pandemics and wars, it was going to be very uncertain when I would be able to come back to try again. This Masterclass was serious doo-doos.
The two days of my Reiki II Masterclass are two days I shall never forget. So much happened so quickly that it felt that if I blinked I would miss something. It was what you would get if you crossed the Muppet Show with Oprah and sprinkled it with some deeply personal experiences that bordered on the mystical. There was also laughter, lots of laughter. It sounds bizarre; it was bizarre, but it was one of the most healing experiences of my life.
I knew the event was going to be memorable a full week before the 26th February, the first day of the Masterclass. I consider freaking out and panicking as my constitutional right which I usually exercise weeks before an exam or test of this kind. And so it was: I was royally freaking out with full pomp and circumstance, but a week before the Masterclass, something very strange happened. At ten o’clock on Monday morning, I just became very calm and quiet. It was as if someone had slipped a valium into my tea, and I had become like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, all zen and cool kung fu.
So that was how I passed the week, in this tranquil state of Keanu. I knew, of course, what was going on: something or someone was working on me. It was Reiki. My mind became clear, and I became detached from what I saw there. A whole raft of emotional and behavioural jetsam was able to come to the surface, but as it did so, I was able to let it go effortlessly. I had become one with my inner Keanu. However, this blessed state lasted only until Friday afternoon, when one of my deepest, darkest fears percolated up to the surface for me to deal with.
Without going into the details, I was able to see how this fear had held me back as a teacher in the past, and how it had played havoc in various other aspects of my life too. The spell was broken, and I came crashing down to Earth. The object of this fear was leering at me in the face, unresolved, and I had to deal with it before the next morning, or so I thought. After Keanu, whom was I going to call? Brian Brunius, of course.
I was very glad I did call Brian. He confirmed that this was, in all likelihood, the real challenge of my Masterclass, and very gently but firmly repeated to me, “I will support you in whatever you need and in whatever way is necessary.” What a mensch, a real brick! I understood, slowly: This was going to be a trial, Klingon-style, that I alone could confront, but I would not be alone because there would be Brian, my Reiki Master, chewing on a caramel standing at my side. In a single exchange of words, Brian had calmed me, instilled in me new courage when mine had fled, and given me fresh hope. I was ready.
The next day, as dreaded so promised, my fear presented itself to me in glorious Technicolour® and Dolby Surround Sound® throughout the whole of the morning of the first day. At first, it was dreadful: I was so nervous that I stuttered, I made howling bloopers which I had to correct by doubling back, my hands shook so much I could not read my notes, and yet all the while there was the solid presence of Brian, somehow silently, invisibly, being strong for me from the back of the room. I have no idea how, but without saying a word or making a gesture, he lived up to his promise of “supporting me in whatever I needed and in whatever way was necessary.”
Now let me be clear, I did know my stuff: notwithstanding all the internal chaos, I was still managing actually to teach, and I was fortunate to have a group of really bright and open-hearted students who were hungry to learn. However, at some point, Brian had to intervene, and when he did so, that’s when I had my epiphany.
When Brian stepped in, the dynamics of the lesson took on a whole new energy. We were all swept up in it. The teachings came alive, the facts came flying thick and fast, and the students were having ah-ha moments all over the place. For me, though, everything became a haze. Instead of worrying about the fact that my examiner had taken over doing the exam for me, I was delighted! It was crazy and fantastic — and that was it! There was no test! It wasn’t about the teaching, or the lesson plan, or the fear, or passing or failing. The real point was about letting go and letting Reiki take over. It was about TRUSTING Reiki, and Brian was bringing the Reiki in. As I put my trust in Brian, I was learning how to put my trust in Reiki. It was the most incredible feeling!
Imagine the last time you felt blown away. Now multiply that by ten. Add a tingly feeling in your chest. Curl your toes. That was me.
Luckily, all of this was happening on the inside of me and no one seemed to notice. By lunchtime, I was making contributions to Brian’s teaching. After lunch, I was able to take back the reins a bit at a time, and come the next day, the whole buzz of the group was completely different. There was joking and laughter between tough questions and serious answers. At one point, Brian had me laughing so much I had to stop giving an attunement. I had all but abandoned my notes and the lesson just flowed on naturally and easily. I had been changed. Some dark barrier to lightness and happiness had been washed away. A deep healing had taken place. By the end of the course, I could honestly look my teacher in the eye and know that it really did not matter if I had passed or failed the Masterclass. I just wasn’t worried any more.
That’s how I passed.